Do You Agree Or Disagree With The Following Statement?

The desk is cluttered. TOEFL scripts are scattered among ungraded essays and year-old report cards. Manila file folders stacked on the desk follow through on the promises advertised on their covers; their bent corners and torn spines add new meaning to “made out of recycled materials.” Who knows how long these folders have been here? They bear the names of all of the assistant teachers who have worked at the hagwon over the past five years. I cross out “David” and write my name on the cover of one of the folders. David had done the same to Mike. Mike had done the same to Audrey.

The chair feels nice. I can see how David was able to sneak in so many naps in between classes when he was teaching. What I don’t yet understand is how he was able to log so much time writing on his blog, surfing Youtube, and reading the news at work while he had so many high level classes. The classes he had taught all involved older, motivated students, and he created the curriculum for the class. And now, I have those classes. They require preparation. For me, teaching is an all or nothing affair—you’re either really prepared for a class and able to coax some smiles out of the kids by showing them that learning can actually be entertaining, or you crash and burn and the kids’ eyes glaze over from boredom and sleep deprivation.

Twelve minutes until my last TOEFL writing class. I’ll miss those students, I think to myself. It’s a shame I have to lose all the classes I’ve had for so long to take on all of David’s old classes.

I look under the desk and see stacks of old papers standing where my feet should be resting. Like the manila file folders, they also trace the history of everyone who has sat at the desk. Most of the papers are things that former teachers didn’t need anymore, but for whatever reason, didn’t want to throw away. I understand the pack-rat sentimentality perfectly; I catch myself salvaging partially used legal pads.

I stumble upon a goldmine. Jerry had never sat at this desk, but I inexplicably find a folder full of assignments he had given his students and never graded. Jerry was a funny guy, a fact I am reminded of when I start flipping through student essays that had been written on the topic: “What would happen if Alex and Jovan got married?” Alex and Jovan were teachers at the hagwon in 2008. All of the essays invariably focused on the students’ perception of the teachers’ most distinctive physical qualities; every student described Alex’s hair and Jovan’s freckles.

Nine minutes until TOEFL writing. The independent topic is yet another agree/disagree question: “Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities ad they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.”

“What if Jovan and Alex marry? I think that if Jovan and Alex get married, I think that they will make an academy and be a teacher there. Also they would call all the friends in the United States of America. And then they would ask to work at their Academy. Additionally, when Jovan get a baby, it would have a lot of freckles and have many leg hairs and all kinds of things. When the Jovan’s baby goes to school, many other kids would nickname him as a King Kong. And Jovan and Alex were so angry that they teach the child by themselves. And therefore they always fight because baby is stupid, so they get a divorce. —SAD ENDING—”

“There was a one family comprised with Alex Pollack, Jovan Pollack, and Anna Banana Pollack. Anna Banana was Alex and Jovan’s daughter. She has many brown hairs and freckles. One day, they went to zoo. There was many people and animals. Mr and Mrs. Pollack and Anna rushed all the place in zoo. Suddenly, Anna runned to tigers and lions and went into their cage. Hungry tigers and lions sprang at her. “AAAAAAHH!!”, she screamed. “BWOANG!”, and then she fart, because she strength her stomach when she scream. Tigers and lions faint with purple face. Pollack couple quickly took out her from the cage. “Oh! That cloth is so cute!”, Jovan went to cloth mall, and Alex went to monkeys’ cage with Anna. Monkeys stared at Alex and Anna. Abruptly, one monkey said “Oockackacoocka,” and showed his back, and Alex started to touch monkey’s furs. Jovan came to there with 8 big shopping bags, “What re you doing, Alex?” “Shhhh, I’m communicating with my old friend Jorge,” he answered with a frowned face. “Where is Jorge?” she asked. “Here,” pointing big monkey waving his hand to Jovan. “Hi!! Nice to meet you! I’m Alex’s wife. That monkey costume looks like real monkey!” Jovan said. After that events, they walked around the zoo again, and went to their home.”

“If Alex and Jovan marry…Alex and Jovan loved each other, and one day they married. They lived in a very small house in Texas, because they were so poor. 1 year later, they got a baby girl. She (the baby) grew up really fast, but there was no food and money left in their house. So Jovan yelled at Alex “Go out and get a job!”. Alex could do nothing except writing. So instead of getting a job, he wrote stores about how he got married to Jovan, how much he liked her, and finally their stores about their baby and their lives. He named it ‘Bla’ and published. Soon, the book became popular. Millions of copies were sold in the world, and in a crack, Alex and his wife became wealthy and popular. They lived happily until Jovan died when she was 50. Alex was very sad so he suicided.”

Student essays from the younger kids never get old. I place the assignments aside, away from the recycling bin. One student had attached illustrations to her essay.

America Illustration

Korea Illustration

So here are the essential differences between Korea and America in the eyes of a twelve-year-old. America’s a land of blonde-haired cowboy sheriffs. The sheriffs brandish their guns, wafting Pigpen-esque smells in the process. They dance wildly in an arid desert full of cacti as their tense, grimacing faces strike fear into the nearby, shapeless onlookers. Korea’s a land of traditionally dressed, happy, upstanding citizens. They celebrate life in vivacious groves of healthy trees and grasses. Citizens welcome you with open arms in this land of plenty. People are having picnics outside all the time.

Five minutes until TOEFL class. Agree/Disagree question. It’s either/or; you have to pick a side because there are only two options. Clearly pick a side in the first few sentences of your response. It’s easier to write a strong essay if you pick one side or the other than if you attempt to navigate a more neutral position. The twelve-year-old understands—she can do the same thing the writing topics require the older students to do. This is the method; it is the way the kids are taught to think.

It’s the way most people are raised to think. College teaches you to explode those binaries, to think beyond simple either/ors. And with good reason—after all, we’re not all blonde gun-wielding cowboys in America. Give us some credit; we’re a lot more diverse than that.

We’re brown-haired cowboys. We’re red-haired cowboys. A lot of us are cowgirls. But yeah, I suppose we all have a little Clint Eastwood running through our veins.